Educator and stay-at-home mom, Katie Retelle, on keeping it real, reinventing yourself while pursuing family goals, and staying connected to others - including yourself. Stay-at-home mother of two, Katie Retelle, is one lady who proves that it is more about what we do with our time between stages than simply waiting for the right time to come. Katie shows how to discover and reinvent yourself, along the way, by finding big and little ways to stay professionally connected and to continuously explore doing what you love. ]
Other than your parents, who or what or motivated you to try something you’ve never done before?
My husband. He’s extremely inspirational to me. He is self-motivated, has a positive outlook, and works hard to accomplish what he values. I love the Ayn Rand mentality, “the question isn’t who is going to
let
me – it’s who is going to
stop
me.” But it’s also motivating to see successful people who are respectful of others.
Planning ahead is a good idea, however, setting goals was a skill I had to develop. Because of my average grades and the myriad excuses I made for myself in high school, my guidance counselor basically told me that my chances of getting in to a university were slim at best. But I didn’t care, seeing my friends get into college ignited something inside of me that made me want to go too. It was the first time in my life I knew I needed to do something solely for me.
Instead of panicking (well maybe I panicked a little), I just figured it out as I went along and did what I needed to do. I got into college and took out loans. That whole experience [of not wanting to be left behind] made me realize no one was going do to things for me. Sure, there are always people who can help along the way but we have to do the “heavy lifting” ourselves. This way to approach life stuck with me.
I became an “expert” observer and asker of questions. I started looking to people who are where they wanted to be in life. Some I knew - others I didn’t. I learned how they accomplished what they did, and used that information as a strategy to “plan” out my own life and to stay aware of the excuses/fears that might hold me back.
How do the things you loved as a child relate to the interests, hobbies and other things you love as an adult?
Learning new things keeps me going. I’ve tried many different hobbies like photography, sewing, baking, and I even learned to play the guitar, but I’m always anchored back to working with children. Additionally, my most fond memories include when I was a camp counselor in the Rocky Mountains, I taught elementary school children with the AmeriCorps program, and I tutored kids. When I turned 30 years old, I accepted “my calling” and become an elementary school teacher. The link is that all of my creative hobbies and interests are also things I loved doing as a child.
What is one piece of “hard but necessary” advice that someone gave you?
No matter how hard it might seem [or be able to do] – ask for help. Asking for help has always been difficult for me because I never want to inconvenience anyone. I also felt that needing help might mean that others [or even myself] didn’t think I was smart enough or good enough to do something.
After my first baby, I was tired and emotional, but it was partly my own fault because I took everything personally. Not only did I not want to accept help from others, I resented people for even offering. I needed to prove I could do it myself, and that I am a good mom. But pushing others and the help away, simply made me even more overwhelmed and isolated. By the second baby, something definitely had to change.
When I started accepting and asking for help, my whole family was much happier. But as they say, “everything for a reason.” Now that’s the one piece of advice I give to all new moms – ask for help. Everyone needs help and accepting it doesn’t mean that you couldn’t do it yourself or that you’re not a “great mom,” in fact, it might be the very way you can become an even greater one.
I (like everyone) have struggled with asking for help in other areas of my life. After college I was over my head in credit card debt. Asking a family member for money to pay off the debt caused me to swallow my pride, as well as prove that I was capable of financial responsibility. I simply came up with a repayment plan and followed through. I would never have learned this lesson if I hadn’t asked for help. What it really taught me is not about money at all. Truth is, most people may not know anyone who can help them monetarily. But people can, and will, always respond to your requests for help. And that help may give you a great way to figure out the best or next move to anything you face.
Can you share an experience that felt terrible at first, but turned out to be a great learning experience in disguise?
I grew up in Madison, WI, went to school in Colorado and then worked there for a few years in a Chiropractic office doing x-rays and patient care. My life was comfortable, but knew this wasn’t the last stop for me. I decided to move to New York [like so many others], to see what I could accomplish here.
Moving to NYC in 2006 was a total culture shock. A series of temp jobs came and went and I was feeling totally lost. One day, I am sitting at my desk around 2:00 p.m. and am I greeted and then escorted [by security] from my desk to the sidewalk in front of the Wall Street firm where I was working without a single word or explanation.
I stood there wondering what the heck I am I doing here? I knew things had to change, but wasn’t clear how. So I just kept trying new things, and eventually landed a PR/Communications job where I was employed for two years while I worked on my Master’s degree at night. The hard transition to an even harder city, being let go from a job without a single word, and many other tough things led me to go back to school and commit to something that I loved. But after, and in a sense
because
of all of it, I felt stronger than ever. Not to mention, I’ve met so many amazing people along the way and have built a solid network of supportive friends.
What were the main factors that influenced your decision to make your current life/career choices AND when will you know it’s the right time to make your next life and career choices?
My parents are very hardworking and entrepreneurial. I grew up observing their strong work ethic and excitement for trying new things. Right now I am a full time mom, which was not an easy decision to make. I knew I wanted to be with my babies, but I also wanted to move forward in my teaching career - especially because I got a late start. Many people advised me to stay home with my babies since my husband was working hard to support us. As people exclaimed how “lucky” I was to be in this position, I still felt confused. I was torn but, ultimately made my decision and stuck with it. I figured taking care of my children didn’t mean I couldn’t continue to build my ideal self; I simply needed to stay busy with my own passions. Not to mention, my children wouldn’t stay little forever. I’d have time to go back to “work”.
Now, almost four years… and two babies later, I know it hasn’t been easy, especially during long, cooped up winters. But I also know that it’s very hard working [outside the home], balancing everything, and being away from the kids. There is no one path for everyone.
Hindsight is how I know I made the right choice for me. I often reflect on how special these years have been (especially with such little sleep) and how much I have grown and learned from, and about, life and myself. Our family is growing strong and my husband and I are very proud of how our combined efforts have paid off.
Teaching isn’t going anywhere and will be there waiting for me when I’m ready. Meanwhile, I’m doing what I need to do to keep my credentials current. I’ll be ready to take that next step or make my next career move after my youngest daughter turns two. My plan is to go back to teaching when she is ready for that transition, unless something else catches my eye, or my heart, in the meantime.
How do you work to keep connected and develop new skills? And, what do you with your little pockets of downtime (i.e. 30 minutes) before your next project or task?
I have to make the time and energy to connect. When I had my first baby, it got a little too comfortable being at home – caring for the baby allowed me to wear the same pajamas for several days while the only adult interaction was with my husband and the Housewives of Beverly Hills. Over time, I started feeling my mental and verbal skills weakening. Being with my babies was my priority, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t work on myself at the same time. I began to socialize more with other moms and I got involved in community events and activities with the kids. Whether it is lunches with friends, drinks with old colleagues, an email or an old fashioned phone call – I keep the lines of communication open. I also do part-time work for a healthcare startup, doing social media and administrative projects, as well as some freelance writing jobs. My days are full, but still fulfilling.
My days are spent with my one and four-year-old girls. Recently, we hired a mother’s helper for ten hours a week (in the evenings) to play with the kids, bathe them and give them dinner, and get them ready for bed. It’s been life changing. Now I actually have time to take a shower, get out for a bit, or reconnect with myself in some small way. I take moments when I can get them, even if it’s while I am doing laundry or cooking. I try to find time to let my mind and body go to a place that’s relaxed.
I also pick up new projects when I can. Now it’s planning how we’ll renovate our kitchen, but at other times it’s just enjoying some thriller-type TV show that my husband and I are obsessed with. Sometimes it’s spending time alone reading or going online to get a photography lesson, home decorating tips or ideas of things to do with my kids.
What is one unconventional or quiet wisdom you learned from someone?
I learned how important it is to connect with myself, at some point, each and every day. I literally lie down, listen to my body, breathe and let go of worries and concerns [if only for 10 minutes]. I am more aware of things and people who contribute to my life in positive ways. I also reflect on my own actions and choices, which makes how I should move forward much clearer.
About Katie Retelle:Katie grew up in Madison, WI. She moved to Boulder, Colorado in 2001 where she studied and worked for five years. Eventually, Katie landed in New York City where a series of temp jobs and a professional “rude awakening” led her to a stable job that would enable her to take classes for her master’s degree at night. Katie shows that there is nothing wrong with putting one goal on hold while we focus on family and other personal goals. Katie Retelle is “Living on Purpose” as an educator and a mother who positively impacts the lives of children - hers and others. Katie Retelle graduated with a Psychology degree from of the University of Colorado at Boulder and earned her MSEd from Hunter College in New York. Follow Katie Retelle on Facebook.
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