January 4, 2017 Seven Things to Think About When It Comes to . . . Having a New Year Where You Keep an Open Mind and Try Not to Say "No”

Mega producer, screen writer, and author Shonda Rhimes wrote a book called the Year of Yes, where she shares the beautifully interesting experiences that she had as a result of agreeing to do things that she had normally said “no” to.

Truth is, it is not practical or possible to say that you will say “yes” to every opportunity.

However, you can make a focused effort not to say “no” to as many things in life.

Here are seven areas where you can embrace an open mind in 2017 and be receptive to considering and doing more experiences that you would not have normally done.

Accept help: Often the very thing we need to take us to the next career level is help and assistance from others. The next time someone offers to look at your resume or help you in some professional way - don’t make excuses like your resume isn’t updated - just accept the help!

Helping others in your own way: I find that when others ask me for help, I sometimes say “no” because they are asking for something that requires more time than I have to give. You may not be able to drive your friend to Ikea and help move furniture from Harlem to Brooklyn. So offer to do what you can do.

Do one thing that scares you (a little): Sometimes the best way to get over something is to face your fear directly. Build a strong verbal and written argument for why you deserve a raise or confront that co-worker who seems to have had a problem with you since you started. Whatever the situation, addressing it head on will not be nearly as bad as you envision in your mind.

Embrace a new take on hanging out after work: Connecting with people outside of the office can be more than drinking at a local bar. Next time a co-worker asks you to join them for an activity after work – go for it. Stop by at a work friend’s open mic night, stand-up comedy set or event. Doing so can open up a whole new social scene and (potential professional contacts) by connecting you with new and interesting people.

Take the initiative and create your own work project: Create just one way that you can take on a job or activity that simply needs to be done.

Take that trial class: Whatever you are into - yoga, painting or martial arts - stop putting it off and just take the one FREE class. Who knows? You might hate it; but more than likely you’ll love and enjoy the fact that you tried doing something that you’ve never done before.

Help a friend with a worthy cause: We all know someone who works with a positive and charitable cause. Take seven minutes to see if you can volunteer, make a donation, or spread the word to others who can support their worthwhile efforts.

Embrace 2017 as the year that you will be more open, willing, and able to try new things. Sure you won’t be able to say “yes” to everything, but this month and throughout the year take time to thoroughly consider every opportunity and experience before you say “no.” See if there is a way to do something before you simply write it off.

December 21, 2016 Things To Think About When It Comes To . . . Looking for and Finding Inspiration And Opportunities in The Oddest Places

Yesterday I turned on the TV at 5:30 a.m. hoping to find something inspirational to kick start my day that would officially start in about an hour. I stumbled upon an interesting piece on Gloria Steinem on OWN and it brought back a great memory of when I met Gloria Steinem because of a hand-written card.

While working for NBC, I met Carole Black when she was the President and General Manager of the NBC owned station in Los Angeles NBC4. Soon after, I heard that she took a job in NYC as the new President and CEO of Lifetime Television. I sent her a short “congratulations way to go” note and got a call back from her assistant about a week later. The assistant passed along Carole’s thanks and a special invite for me to be Carole’s “plus 1” at an upcoming 65th birthday party for Gloria Steinem at Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas’ house! I guess CEO’s don’t get a lot of “congrats on your new gig and huge executive parachute plan” cards.

I will always remember so many things about that great night, such as the 39 other incredible guests and meeting and talking with a living legend. But what still amazes me is that this all happened because of a simple note.

Here are seven things that this unusual string of events in my life and a personal card and thank you note actually taught me about having a successful career.

1. At any moment, you can do something small to put a big opportunity into motion down the road.

2. Career success comes from cultivating professional and personal relationships. People want to work with people they know and like.

3. There are rich people, there are the wealthy people and there are people who are rich because how they have created, navigated and shared their life experiences. Everyone, including you, can be one, two, or hopefully all three.

4. Never underestimate the value of business and social etiquette (if you don’t know it – learn it quickly.) Always remember please and thank you are words that have tremendous power.

5. Celebrities and accomplished professionals in many ways are not like everyday people. However, every human being needs to hear that others are proud of who they are, as well as what they do.

6. Seize every moment to network and learn from people, especially those who you may never see again. I met many people and business associates that day who have impacted my career.

7. Always bring your host a gift or small token of your appreciation. I brought Gloria Steinem a book of poetry, and even bravely gave her an original work of my own. I also sent Carole Black one darn nice thank you note for inviting me and proving such as great networking opportunity.

Find inspiration to tackle a new venture by first simply reflecting on something you’ve previously done that worked out better than you imagined, then take your first step toward doing this new thing. This week take a moment to reflect on these lessons learned and consider who you could send a “personal note” that might directly or indirectly help you experience something great?

Career Confidence :“Will the real (fill in the blank) please stand up?”

Some days I feel like a fraud. Don’t you? The shoes I’m supposed to fill are too big even for me. I’m doing my best to be and act like the given or chosen “title” I’m wearing at the moment – parent/child – CEO or currently unemployed – self-employed/working for “the man” – whatever it may be.  It doesn’t matter. At times, I’m hanging on by a thread getting everything done, and I simply feel like I don’t measure up.

Starting this blog is an amazing lesson that is continually unfolding. There have been many days when many things have gone wrong or someone has “passed” on the opportunity to participate. Of course, I’ve asked myself many times, what the heck do I know about writing a blog and book about anything, let alone living life doing what you love and exploring meaning and purpose?  I’ve gone there, and then some.

But at the end of the day, I’m doing this for me. I am confident in myself and my vision, and desire to make a difference in the world (let alone in my life) – in this particular way. That’s it!

I’ve been asked many times, and in many different ways, where does my or anyone’s confidence come from? Truth is, I don’t know. But I do know all things being equal – ability, opportunity and support (in my opinion the three pillars to successfully doing what you love) – the one thing that makes the difference in who swims and who sinks, is confidence.

Confidence is not to be mistaken with arrogance. Arrogant people are insecure and overcompensate, not to mention project how they feel about themselves unto others. Sure, some arrogant and even narcissistic people are very successful.

What I am proposing here is that confident people simply know and are excited about the great things that make you, you. What are the skills (no matter how random) or the talents and abilities you bring to whatever you do in some unique way that creates value?

And, if you don’t know what these things are, you’d better figure them out, and soon – because life and career requires not only knowing it, but also the confidence “to make things happen.”

I know many talented, bright, energetic people who don’t know their professional or personal self-worth. They lack confidence. They are looking to others to give them some 10-point roadmap on how to have a successful career in (fill in the blank). It’s a map that simply doesn’t exist.

Here’s a question for you. If you don’t know what makes you special (i.e., what is your point of differentiation), then how in the heck (not to mention why) is the person you want to work for or with supposed to figure that out for you?

And here’s another. If you can’t point to at least one thing you’re good (and interested in), then how can someone else believe great things about who you are and what you can do for them? That’s where it all comes down to: a mental game that’s rooted in your self-confidence.

We all need to restore and, at times, simply find confidence in ourselves.  Sometimes we fake it to make it, and at other times we hold onto the tiny bit we have and just run. Like all skills – confidence comes easier for some but takes practice for us all to really get it right. And as some food for thought, here are my top three “how-to” ideas.

1. Listen to people who genuinely compliment you, and take it in. I can recite many things my nursery school teacher Ms. Guida said to and about me that made me believe to this day that I can do almost anything I set my mind to, including, “Patrice may be the only two year old I’ve met who could be dropped in the middle of the woods and somehow figure a way out.”

2. Think of the times you thought you would never get through XYZ but somehow did anyway.

This (especially for you analytical types) means you actually have a greater statistical probability of being successful in the future, because you previously succeeded. So what the heck, try it – the odds are in your favor.

3. Find one thing you are really good at it and bring that “thing” to others.

This third and perhaps most important/difficult point is first realizing that your “thing” can be the smallest thing. It could be that you make one darn good cookie or pretzel. Perhaps you’re magnificent at managing egos and music careers. Or like me, maybe you’re simply good at talking (especially on your feet) and have a way of getting others to listen in a way that connects you to them, and them to others.

We all know the stories of the Beyoncé, Benjamin Franklin (my favorite person from history) and Beethoven. For us mere mortals, don’t expect big abilities and talents because they must likely won’t appear in that form. Instead, our “it” will be a series of many “little” things about us or just things that we do very well. I love Josh Quittner’s line: “The things we are good at, are the things we tend to do.” In themselves our “things” are not huge, but some have huge “potential value” for others. You may think one thing, what’s the big deal, how is that one thing going to change anything? Well here’s a newsflash … one thing can change everything.  

Let’s say you find something you’re confident you do really well. I can’t promise that it will lead you to a life and career full of purpose and passion. But I can guarantee you that if do just one thing really, really well – people will ask what else you can do well, too. It’s basic economics and supply and demand. Build great demand for one thing (i.e. your business “cash cow” that supports the largest segment of market share/profit) and then it will be very easy to convince people you can deliver when they need something else that you might “be just perfect for.”

Start today by exploring and ultimately being clear about one thing you do well and can bring to any table with confidence. But do the whole process with confidence as well. Next we’ll figure out ways to find or create opportunities, not to mention that actual “table(s)” for you to bring your confidence to.

I confidently know some days I don’t know what the heck I am doing and figure it out as I go.  But instead of fearing what I don’t know, I claim this fact with as much confidence and exclamation as I can muster.  

Confidence is that turn on the path that leads many of us to the very thing we’re supposed to do or enables us to do the current jobs or careers that aren’t going anywhere with greater sense of purpose.

When you really think about it, it’s not that hard because at its core confidence is simply knowing who you are and who you’re not – and being ok with both. All it means is doing something you’re really good at that makes you feel proud and happy with a sense of accomplishment. Be confident in being yourself because it’s the one thing at which you can never fail.