September 21, 2016 Seven Things to Think About When It Comes to . . . Making Professional Friends.

When we are young we have many opportunities to meet and make friends. Going to school, joining a sports team or simply hanging out at the playground – offers us chances to connect with new people. Yet the older we get the harder it seems to make new friends. Whatever age you may be, we all need work friends to support us and help us navigate our careers. In fact, the older we get the more we need to surround ourselves with a strong support network. Here are seven ways to cultivate those relationships and reasons why we need them.

1. A Work BFF: Your best friend shares your interests and is that one person you can confide in no matter what. However, if your “bestie” works in a different field or industry they may not always be the ideal person to turn to when it comes to navigating your career. Take time to cultivate a close relationship with a peer at your workplace. It’s not just a good idea but a necessary asset to succeed at work. Having a work BFF offers a trusted confidant who understands exactly what challenges you may face, as well as someone who can help you best address and overcome them.

2. An Industry Insider: No matter what industry you work in, it’s really important to befriend someone at a different company who knows a lot of people in your field. Industry insiders offer a unique perspective and can be invaluable when it comes to finding and exploring new professional opportunities.

3. The Worker-Bee: Everyone needs people in “high” places to help them succeed, but we also need work friendships with people inside our organization who help us get things done. Pick up a coffee for the receptionist, treat the group admin to lunch, write a personal thank you note to the intern, or buy a $5 Starbucks for the “guys” in the mail room. Continue to cultivate these friendships over time. Years ago I worked with an admin who is now a senior vice president and executive producer at a major TV network! These friends will not only help ensure your package makes the last Fed-Ex pick up, but can also be unexpectedly invaluable sources of information. Often people treat the worker-bees as “invisible” and unknowingly spill the “tea” (i.e. company gossip) in front of them. The bottom line is you should treat everyone you encounter with respect, especially people who are often ignored and forgotten.

4. The Dear Abby: Years ago people wrote to a woman named Ann Landers who had a syndicated newspaper column called Dear Abby when they needed advice on how to deal with a certain problems and situations. Today, you need a professional friend who you can turn to for advice and ideas on how to deal with difficult people, places and things. Find a person who you admire and respect who you can turn to when you face work challenges.

5. A Kindred Spirit: Take advantage of the company office party or a committee project to meet colleagues who work in other departments or divisions. Follow up with people who you “click” with by sending a “nice to meet you email” or ask them out for lunch or coffee. Whether you share a similar sense of humor or style, create a professional friendship with like-minded co-workers in other areas of the company, especially those areas you might want to work in one day.

6. The Common Interest: Where you live, how you dress or where you went to college has nothing to do with who you are personally or professionally but using this information may be a great way to make new friends at work. If you notice a co-worker in the elevator holding a tote bag from your college alma mater or that you recognize from the neighborhood, reach out and introduce yourself. Shared interests can be a great foundation for professional friendships.

7. The Gatekeeper: Every office has a senior leader but every workplace has a gatekeeper who provides access to this top boss. Make an effort to “play nice” with the gatekeeper as he or she has the boss’ ear and the ability to make your life at work a smooth or rough process.

In life, we can all get by with a little help from our friends. The same is true when it comes to our careers. This week think about ways to enhance and expand your work and professional friendships. Remember, people are much more likely to recommend friends for promotions and new opportunities at other organizations - than people they don’t know.

August 31, 2016 Seven Things to Think About When It Comes to . . . Creating a Fulfilled and Purpose-Filled Life

One of my favorite people is Anna Quindlen, author of the bestselling novels Object Lessons, One True Thing, and Black and Blue. Her New York Times column “Public and Private” won a Pulitzer Prize in 1992, she has also penned a number of other great reads. Although most of Anna’s books are novels, she wrote an amazing non-fiction book called A Short Guide to a Happy Life (Random House). Taking inspiration from some of the many great ideas and themes in this tiny powerhouse, here are seven simple steps to explore and discover purpose.

1. Be Present:

Stop your words and body from moving and be still and present for at least 10 minutes a day. Turn off all devices and try your best to return your mind to “nothingness” when it wanders. Having this time to re-charge is essential to moving to where you want to be in the future.

2. Have different kinds of new and old “fun:”

Carnival ride-fun, concert-fun, watching a baby sleep-fun, some trying new things-fun, and going new places-fun.

Not all parts of life are fun, however, we can find an element of fun in anything that we do. Fun helps us grow and connect with who we are and more importantly who we can become.

3. Think of and embrace your worst mistake:

Claim one lesson you learned from your biggest mistake, and think about what it taught yourself and others. When you claim your mistakes it frees you from them and eliminates the fear of someone else hanging it over your head. Mistakes (that we learn from) give us wisdom and make us who we are, perhaps even more than our successes. Create a concise story about your mistake and the lesson you learned from it to share with others ensure that their path will be easier to navigate.

4. Be a good (Fill-in-the-blank):

Don’t just choose generic words to fill in this blank like friend/daughter/son/mother/father instead use words or phrases that define how your actions and presence impact others. For example, I want to be a good “motivator” who lifts people up when they are feeling down and inspires others to make change. Or I want people to feel supported and empowered in my presence.

5. Remind yourself that nothing is promised:

We often put off making career changes because we assume that we’ll always have time to do so. The truth is, nothing is guaranteed. Make sure that the last words you speak to your family, loved ones and even colleagues are life-lasting. Take time to do something each week that works toward bringing you happiness. No matter how young you are live life knowing that your last work or deed could be your last.

6. Create a life that both connects you with others and allows you to have alone time:

Spend time teaching others and invest time alone learning about yourself. Find ways to “sign up” and “sit in the back seat” and learn what inspires you and what you do well.

7. Help others by sharing your craft, experiences and everything you know:

Your job at any age or stage is to help another person. We are all “teachers” and all “students.” There are always people who admire who you are and what you do no matter where you are in life. Through the process of sharing, you grow and learn not just about the experience you share, but about yourself.

We all experience success in our personal lives and in our careers. However, it’s often hard to sustain success in both parts of our life simultaneously. This week, try some of these suggested tips or pick up a copy of an Anna Quindlen’s book from a library or book store and start creating your own personal guide to a happy life.

Seven Life Lessons and Career Advice from Judith Germano, Founding Member of GermanoLawLLC and Former Federal Prosecutor and Chief of Economic Crimes at the U.S. Attorney’s Office, District of New Jersey

1. Step away from something in order to focus much more intensely on it: Sometimes on my long runs, I come up with really valuable business ideas and solutions that might have taken me longer to reach just sitting at the desk. Stepping away from an issue or problem and looking at it from a different angle is useful. I think it also makes us happier, healthier and more efficient people.

2. Feel confident in trusting your instincts to take the right next step: Start by asking yourself “what’s the right thing is to do?” Then determine who you might need to ask for guidance or advice on a variety of options. You have to work on finding the balance between trusting your instincts, having good judgment and seeking help when and as needed.

3. Success comes from personal initiative and hard work: I have had many wonderful mentors who have guided and advocated for me, and for that I feel very blessed but, as my parents always taught me, success starts from initiative and hard work.

[] 4. Be a forward-looking person, but have flexibility: I have a map, or plan, in my head but often have ended up taking a different course. I’m all the better for it. It’s that flexibility, openness, and looking at what’s ahead that helps me most.

5. Hear contrary opinions to help you, even if you decide to go/do it another way: I think it’s important to keep an open-mind to all kinds of advice, the positive and the more critical. Sometimes the advice that is the hardest to hear could be the kind that we need the most.

6. Find balance and do not succumb to self-doubt. Take time for careful introspection. Make sure there’s the right balance of confidence and humility in each step you take.

7. Find a process to determine what’s the “right” or best thing in any situation. Working for 11 years as a federal prosecutor, I learned to exercise this on a regular basis. But I think it can help anyone, in many situations: ask yourself if “it’s” ethically sound, legally consistent, strategically appropriate, and best for the interested parties. Remember sometimes it’s best to be aggressive.

Other times it’s right to step back with confidence, wait and then engage when it’s appropriate. And sometimes the best thing to do is to not engage at all, even when it may be tempting and when quiet restraint takes more strength and courage than action.

Everyone needs an advice career “dream team.” Today gather a group of friends, family mentors and even strangers who always offer a positive and important perspective and great pearls of wisdom.

Career Confidence :“Will the real (fill in the blank) please stand up?”

Some days I feel like a fraud. Don’t you? The shoes I’m supposed to fill are too big even for me. I’m doing my best to be and act like the given or chosen “title” I’m wearing at the moment – parent/child – CEO or currently unemployed – self-employed/working for “the man” – whatever it may be.  It doesn’t matter. At times, I’m hanging on by a thread getting everything done, and I simply feel like I don’t measure up.

Starting this blog is an amazing lesson that is continually unfolding. There have been many days when many things have gone wrong or someone has “passed” on the opportunity to participate. Of course, I’ve asked myself many times, what the heck do I know about writing a blog and book about anything, let alone living life doing what you love and exploring meaning and purpose?  I’ve gone there, and then some.

But at the end of the day, I’m doing this for me. I am confident in myself and my vision, and desire to make a difference in the world (let alone in my life) – in this particular way. That’s it!

I’ve been asked many times, and in many different ways, where does my or anyone’s confidence come from? Truth is, I don’t know. But I do know all things being equal – ability, opportunity and support (in my opinion the three pillars to successfully doing what you love) – the one thing that makes the difference in who swims and who sinks, is confidence.

Confidence is not to be mistaken with arrogance. Arrogant people are insecure and overcompensate, not to mention project how they feel about themselves unto others. Sure, some arrogant and even narcissistic people are very successful.

What I am proposing here is that confident people simply know and are excited about the great things that make you, you. What are the skills (no matter how random) or the talents and abilities you bring to whatever you do in some unique way that creates value?

And, if you don’t know what these things are, you’d better figure them out, and soon – because life and career requires not only knowing it, but also the confidence “to make things happen.”

I know many talented, bright, energetic people who don’t know their professional or personal self-worth. They lack confidence. They are looking to others to give them some 10-point roadmap on how to have a successful career in (fill in the blank). It’s a map that simply doesn’t exist.

Here’s a question for you. If you don’t know what makes you special (i.e., what is your point of differentiation), then how in the heck (not to mention why) is the person you want to work for or with supposed to figure that out for you?

And here’s another. If you can’t point to at least one thing you’re good (and interested in), then how can someone else believe great things about who you are and what you can do for them? That’s where it all comes down to: a mental game that’s rooted in your self-confidence.

We all need to restore and, at times, simply find confidence in ourselves.  Sometimes we fake it to make it, and at other times we hold onto the tiny bit we have and just run. Like all skills – confidence comes easier for some but takes practice for us all to really get it right. And as some food for thought, here are my top three “how-to” ideas.

1. Listen to people who genuinely compliment you, and take it in. I can recite many things my nursery school teacher Ms. Guida said to and about me that made me believe to this day that I can do almost anything I set my mind to, including, “Patrice may be the only two year old I’ve met who could be dropped in the middle of the woods and somehow figure a way out.”

2. Think of the times you thought you would never get through XYZ but somehow did anyway.

This (especially for you analytical types) means you actually have a greater statistical probability of being successful in the future, because you previously succeeded. So what the heck, try it – the odds are in your favor.

3. Find one thing you are really good at it and bring that “thing” to others.

This third and perhaps most important/difficult point is first realizing that your “thing” can be the smallest thing. It could be that you make one darn good cookie or pretzel. Perhaps you’re magnificent at managing egos and music careers. Or like me, maybe you’re simply good at talking (especially on your feet) and have a way of getting others to listen in a way that connects you to them, and them to others.

We all know the stories of the Beyoncé, Benjamin Franklin (my favorite person from history) and Beethoven. For us mere mortals, don’t expect big abilities and talents because they must likely won’t appear in that form. Instead, our “it” will be a series of many “little” things about us or just things that we do very well. I love Josh Quittner’s line: “The things we are good at, are the things we tend to do.” In themselves our “things” are not huge, but some have huge “potential value” for others. You may think one thing, what’s the big deal, how is that one thing going to change anything? Well here’s a newsflash … one thing can change everything.  

Let’s say you find something you’re confident you do really well. I can’t promise that it will lead you to a life and career full of purpose and passion. But I can guarantee you that if do just one thing really, really well – people will ask what else you can do well, too. It’s basic economics and supply and demand. Build great demand for one thing (i.e. your business “cash cow” that supports the largest segment of market share/profit) and then it will be very easy to convince people you can deliver when they need something else that you might “be just perfect for.”

Start today by exploring and ultimately being clear about one thing you do well and can bring to any table with confidence. But do the whole process with confidence as well. Next we’ll figure out ways to find or create opportunities, not to mention that actual “table(s)” for you to bring your confidence to.

I confidently know some days I don’t know what the heck I am doing and figure it out as I go.  But instead of fearing what I don’t know, I claim this fact with as much confidence and exclamation as I can muster.  

Confidence is that turn on the path that leads many of us to the very thing we’re supposed to do or enables us to do the current jobs or careers that aren’t going anywhere with greater sense of purpose.

When you really think about it, it’s not that hard because at its core confidence is simply knowing who you are and who you’re not – and being ok with both. All it means is doing something you’re really good at that makes you feel proud and happy with a sense of accomplishment. Be confident in being yourself because it’s the one thing at which you can never fail.