April 19, 2017 Seven Things to Think About When It Comes to – Where is Your Confidence?

Confidence is like a sense of humor, everyone thinks that they have it but less than 20% of people actually do. In fact, confidence is an essential ingredient for success in life and career.

The only way to know for sure if you have confidence is to test it. So here are seven questions to help you determine where your confidence really lies, as well as simple but crucial things you can do to boost your belief in yourself and what you can accomplish.

1. What professional accomplishment are you most proud of? 

Your ability to simply have an answer to this question is key to measuring your true confidence. If your accomplishment happened more than 5 years ago, you may be badly in need of a shot of confidence. Confident people can site accomplishments from last week, last month or last year. Stretch yourself to identify recent successes. They are critical to help you reinforce your potential of having other successes in the future.

2. What is the first thing that you can do to create positive change in your life and career?  

Did you say, “change myself or the way that I think?” If not, you should have. Confidence is intertwined with self-awareness and living in the present, not with arrogance and blaming of others. If you’re stuck on what you didn’t get as a child or all the things other people have done to you/your life and not on yourself – not only is your confidence lacking - your approach to advancing in life is all wrong. Today embrace this – focusing on what you don’t have or cannot do interferes with what you can. 

 
3. Do you think you can do anything you set your mind to?  

Whether you are right or wrong – simply thinking that you have the talent and skills to achieve your goals is 80% of doing so. Chances are you will not accomplish everything exactly as you imaged it but taking 10 minutes a day to visualize yourself achieving a goal will increase the potential for success. Learn how to “see” every goal having a positive outcome. It WILL help you believe it is possible.  


4. What is the last big risk you took and how did it work out?  

If your immediate reaction to this question is thinking whatever you tried was a huge failure, you need to embrace a new definition of failure and what it really means. Success in one endeavor often happens after “failure” in another. Failure is a necessary part of trying anything new. Just because something did not work out exactly as you planned – means just that – it didn’t work as planned. It does not mean that it or you are a failure. Things not working out teaches you how to make adjustments but is not a reflection of your talents, abilities and potential. Your ability to see opportunity regardless of outcome is critical to success. Boost this part of your confidence by practicing how to not take “no” personally.  

 
5. What is the biggest thing standing between you and your desired goals?  

Hopefully your answer is “time” or “money.” However, if your response was “waiting for the right opportunity to come along” - think again. Confident people create (not wait) for opportunities. If your confidence is at a 10 - you know that the only thing standing in between your dreams and goals – is you! Remind yourself daily that you are the only one who can connect yourself with the right people and situations to make your dreams a reality..  


6. What do you say to yourself to stay inspired and motivated?  

You should be able to site at least five things that have nothing to do with other people. Confident people are usually motivated by prior success and possibility. They also feel that they deserve (and therefore expect) greatness. Ask yourself this – if you can only motivate others but cannot do the same for yourself is that just a way of sidestepping the reality that you are lacking some much needed personal confidence?   

 
7. What is your biggest regret?  


 Idealy you live life believing that everything happens for a reason. Mistakes, setbacks and failed projects/relationships are not things to regret but rather things to learn from and make you a better person. Life is about taking chances and putting it all on the line – that way you know you have done all that you can do and there is nothing to regret. Embrace risks and seek to learn from every life and career experience – and remind yourself that nothing should be regretted.  



Honesty is the best policy when it comes to dealing with your strengths and weaknesses, and your confidence. This week take an honest and hard look at what you really believe you can do and achieve. It’s easy to say you have confidence but far more revealing to ask yourself these critical questions and take a hard look at the honest answers.  

September 28, 2016 Seven Things to Think About When It Comes to . . . Finding Success Because of Your Mindset and Not Just Your Abilities

World-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck has spent decades studying why it’s not just our abilities and talents that bring us success but whether we approach things with a “fixed” or “growth” mindset. Here are some key takeaways from her amazing book, Mindset, and seven questions to determine which mindset you currently have and ways to make changes to accomplish true career success.

1. What is your mindset on life?: Dweck says how you answer the following four true or false statements will tell you whether you have a growth or fixed mindset: (1) You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that; (2) No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially; (3) You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed; and (4) You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are. Answering “true” to statements 1 and 3 are the fixed-mindset questions and questions 2 and 4 reflect a growth mindset.

2. Are you more concerned with how you’ll be judged or are you concerned with improving? The above questions relate to your personality mindset and reveal qualities dependability, cooperativeness, caring or social skills. Your goal in life should be about learning (a growth personality mindset) and not about caring how others assess your ability or trying to get everything “right” on the first or tenth try (a fixed personality mindset).

3. Do you want to change your mindset?: As a child, someone may have praised your intelligence, looks or ability. However, words alone don’t foster our self-esteem and enable us to accomplish things. In fact, being praised solely for your outcome can jeopardize your success. Redefine success to include the effort and process, and not just the end result. Remember you can be smart and talented but you need a growth mindset to cultivate the coping skills required for life.

4. Do you have the CEO disease? Dweck gives a great example in her book of the downside of a fixed mindset when it comes to business and your professional life. She talks about former Chrysler CEO Lee Iacocca who, after a period of initial success, kept bringing out the same car models again and again with only minor tweaks. Meanwhile Japanese companies were redefining how cars should look and run – and eventually led the market. Where in your professional life are refusing to welcome a challenge and finding new ways to approach things? Learn ways to embrace your shortcomings and thrive, not cower, after setbacks and “failure.”

5. Do you only like doing things that you know you’ll do well? If you are living your life thinking I have mastered “X” and therefore don’t need to continue learning more about it – STOP THAT TODAY.
The bigger the challenge the more we learn to “stretch” ourselves, something many great athletes have shown us from their example. Many sports greats often trained with people who were older, bigger, better and even more talented. It was challenging themselves in this way that helped them become a phenom.

6. Do you feel “smart” when you are “flawless” or when you are “learning?” I love the feeling of having that “aha” moment when I realize why that “thing” that I did wasn’t working – because now I know how to “fix it.” Do you feel the same way? Start embracing the power of the process of things and not just the energy of doing things “perfectly.” Perfection doesn’t invite progress and effortless success doesn’t teach us anything. Remember, change and progress is essential to success in our work and careers.

7. What are you trying to prove and who are you trying to prove it to? People with a fixed mindset opt for success over growth. Doing so begs the question, what are they really trying to prove? If you are living with a fixed mindset stop trying to prove that you are intelligent, unique or special – you are. Imperfections are not shameful it’s what makes us great.

“Failure is an action NOT an identity.” Everything you try will work out. Your inability to do something perfectly or instantly does not define who you are but rather opens the potential of who you can become. Things are not “either or” – you can have great ability but still need to embrace putting forth effort. Even if you are a genius be willing, as Dweck says, to “upgrade your genius.” This week think about whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. If it’s fixed, ask yourself – “At the end of your career do you want to look back and see that you only did those things in life that you knew you could succeed in – or do you want to say that you explored, tried to improve and enjoyed the journey and not just the destination?”

Career Confidence :“Will the real (fill in the blank) please stand up?”

Some days I feel like a fraud. Don’t you? The shoes I’m supposed to fill are too big even for me. I’m doing my best to be and act like the given or chosen “title” I’m wearing at the moment – parent/child – CEO or currently unemployed – self-employed/working for “the man” – whatever it may be.  It doesn’t matter. At times, I’m hanging on by a thread getting everything done, and I simply feel like I don’t measure up.

Starting this blog is an amazing lesson that is continually unfolding. There have been many days when many things have gone wrong or someone has “passed” on the opportunity to participate. Of course, I’ve asked myself many times, what the heck do I know about writing a blog and book about anything, let alone living life doing what you love and exploring meaning and purpose?  I’ve gone there, and then some.

But at the end of the day, I’m doing this for me. I am confident in myself and my vision, and desire to make a difference in the world (let alone in my life) – in this particular way. That’s it!

I’ve been asked many times, and in many different ways, where does my or anyone’s confidence come from? Truth is, I don’t know. But I do know all things being equal – ability, opportunity and support (in my opinion the three pillars to successfully doing what you love) – the one thing that makes the difference in who swims and who sinks, is confidence.

Confidence is not to be mistaken with arrogance. Arrogant people are insecure and overcompensate, not to mention project how they feel about themselves unto others. Sure, some arrogant and even narcissistic people are very successful.

What I am proposing here is that confident people simply know and are excited about the great things that make you, you. What are the skills (no matter how random) or the talents and abilities you bring to whatever you do in some unique way that creates value?

And, if you don’t know what these things are, you’d better figure them out, and soon – because life and career requires not only knowing it, but also the confidence “to make things happen.”

I know many talented, bright, energetic people who don’t know their professional or personal self-worth. They lack confidence. They are looking to others to give them some 10-point roadmap on how to have a successful career in (fill in the blank). It’s a map that simply doesn’t exist.

Here’s a question for you. If you don’t know what makes you special (i.e., what is your point of differentiation), then how in the heck (not to mention why) is the person you want to work for or with supposed to figure that out for you?

And here’s another. If you can’t point to at least one thing you’re good (and interested in), then how can someone else believe great things about who you are and what you can do for them? That’s where it all comes down to: a mental game that’s rooted in your self-confidence.

We all need to restore and, at times, simply find confidence in ourselves.  Sometimes we fake it to make it, and at other times we hold onto the tiny bit we have and just run. Like all skills – confidence comes easier for some but takes practice for us all to really get it right. And as some food for thought, here are my top three “how-to” ideas.

1. Listen to people who genuinely compliment you, and take it in. I can recite many things my nursery school teacher Ms. Guida said to and about me that made me believe to this day that I can do almost anything I set my mind to, including, “Patrice may be the only two year old I’ve met who could be dropped in the middle of the woods and somehow figure a way out.”

2. Think of the times you thought you would never get through XYZ but somehow did anyway.

This (especially for you analytical types) means you actually have a greater statistical probability of being successful in the future, because you previously succeeded. So what the heck, try it – the odds are in your favor.

3. Find one thing you are really good at it and bring that “thing” to others.

This third and perhaps most important/difficult point is first realizing that your “thing” can be the smallest thing. It could be that you make one darn good cookie or pretzel. Perhaps you’re magnificent at managing egos and music careers. Or like me, maybe you’re simply good at talking (especially on your feet) and have a way of getting others to listen in a way that connects you to them, and them to others.

We all know the stories of the Beyoncé, Benjamin Franklin (my favorite person from history) and Beethoven. For us mere mortals, don’t expect big abilities and talents because they must likely won’t appear in that form. Instead, our “it” will be a series of many “little” things about us or just things that we do very well. I love Josh Quittner’s line: “The things we are good at, are the things we tend to do.” In themselves our “things” are not huge, but some have huge “potential value” for others. You may think one thing, what’s the big deal, how is that one thing going to change anything? Well here’s a newsflash … one thing can change everything.  

Let’s say you find something you’re confident you do really well. I can’t promise that it will lead you to a life and career full of purpose and passion. But I can guarantee you that if do just one thing really, really well – people will ask what else you can do well, too. It’s basic economics and supply and demand. Build great demand for one thing (i.e. your business “cash cow” that supports the largest segment of market share/profit) and then it will be very easy to convince people you can deliver when they need something else that you might “be just perfect for.”

Start today by exploring and ultimately being clear about one thing you do well and can bring to any table with confidence. But do the whole process with confidence as well. Next we’ll figure out ways to find or create opportunities, not to mention that actual “table(s)” for you to bring your confidence to.

I confidently know some days I don’t know what the heck I am doing and figure it out as I go.  But instead of fearing what I don’t know, I claim this fact with as much confidence and exclamation as I can muster.  

Confidence is that turn on the path that leads many of us to the very thing we’re supposed to do or enables us to do the current jobs or careers that aren’t going anywhere with greater sense of purpose.

When you really think about it, it’s not that hard because at its core confidence is simply knowing who you are and who you’re not – and being ok with both. All it means is doing something you’re really good at that makes you feel proud and happy with a sense of accomplishment. Be confident in being yourself because it’s the one thing at which you can never fail.